Time. It’s relative. It’s abstract. It’s fleeting.
Time is a funny thing. In a minutes time you can: 🔹wash a plate 🔹wipe off your bathroom mirror 🔹reheat leftovers All of those simple, minute, things take the same amount of time to achieve. Now consider the following situations also lasting 1 minute... 🔺running up a hill 🔺holding your breath 🔺watching your child having a seizure That was our reality just one week ago. One minute would have been a sigh of relief. One minute would have felt brief. Our reality was not 1 minute. Our reality was a seizure lasting over 30 minutes. Our reality felt as though it were lifetime. Our reality completely changed that day. This blog post is the hardest for me to write, but I feel it’s important to share. If you relate to this story, please reach out. I would love to hear from you, share experiences and research, and just support one another. I will share an account of what I hope to be worst day of my life because I can’t bear to imagine anything worse. Our Friday evening ended like any other, dad putting S to sleep after her bedtime routine. She was fine, healthy, absolutely no warning signs. In fact, S woke up at 2 am needing to use the toilet, still completely healthy. Saturday morning I woke up early to bathe before everyone woke up. I took my time, feeling like myself for the first time in a while. We were going to my in-laws for breakfast, so I began to pack the kids bag. I had to go into S’ room for clothes so I quietly tried to wake her up. Like so many other mornings, she didn’t want to wake up so I decided to give her a few more minutes. I grabbed clothes from her closet and stepped out. About 15 minutes later I sent in my husband to wake S up. This is when our nightmare began. I was outside when he came to me running saying I needed to come in NOW. As I ran inside he yelled "Something wasn’t right!" S was in his arms. My heart immediately sank. He showed me her face. Her eyes were open, pupils completely dilated, twitching from left to right, and her arms were convulsing. As soon as I saw her state, I knew it was a seizure. In a panic he asked what we should do, so I yelled to go to the hospital, now! It took 1 minute. 1 minute to find our baby in that state. It felt like a lifetime. In a whim I grabbed O, put him in his car seat, and ran to the truck where they were waiting for me. From finding her to loading O in the truck took probably 5 minutes. The drive to the hospital is about 10 minutes, in which S continued to seize the entire time. Initially she was able to sit up, seizing, but then her head dropped and she began to drool profusely. The stress and tension of that car ride set off an immediate migraine. Tears streamed down both our faces, there was yelling and screaming begging for lights to change faster. We were petrified. We were petrified we might loose our baby on the way to the hospital. We were petrified that if she did make it, the brain damage she would sustain from such a long seizure would be irreparable. The drive felt like forever. Once we arrived, I ran to the ER, and the most amazing nurse took S from me and rushed her to a room where doctors and nurses began to work on her. My husband and son could not be with me, to help me cope through this due to COVID so I stood alone, weary, absolutely heart-broken as I watched for another 15 minutes as the medical team was finally able to stop the seizure. That, that made time seem infinite. In that moment I wanted so badly for time to stand still. I wanted to go back to 2 am when I kissed S goodnight and told her she was brave, she was strong, and could go back to sleep on her own. Instead I wished I had held her tight and stayed so I could be there to protect her. In that moment, every part of me felt guilt and blame for not being there when it happened, for not seeing warning signs I believed there were. Once S was stabilized, the doctors did a CT scan and toxicology report to be sure there wasn’t brain damage/or injury nor the presence of medications she shouldn’t have. By he grace of God, everything came back normal. She suffered no brain damage. S was later transported to the children’s hospital on the other side of town to continue running tests and to be monitored. It was 9:30 a.m, when we arrived at the hospital with S, because of meds, she didn’t wake up until almost 4 p.m. that afternoon. Seeing that sweet girls eyes and smile made the world right again. After an immense amount of prayer, a CT scan, 2 toxicology reports, and MRI, and spinal tap, an EKG, and EEG, a myriad of questions, and so many other tests, it was deemed an unknown cause for her seizure. Because of the length of her seizure and the difficulty of getting her out, S will need to take anti-seizure medication for at least 2 years and we must carry emergency seizure medication with us at all times in the event she has one despite being on meds. More precautions will have to be taken in regards to play and water now that she has experienced a seizure. This will be a hard one for her since she is so active, but we will make due. Our life has completely changed as a result of this event. We are more thankful, more loving, more cautious, and just more trusting in the power of God. S is doing wonderfully {in fact, she experienced another explosion of language upon coming out of this?!}. She handled the hospital stay and testing so well. You would have never known she had a seizure. Unfortunately for her father and I, and grandparents too, we won’t be the same. Time. It’s relative. It’s abstract. It’s fleeting. Time is a precious thing. It took one minute, one minute to completely have our view and appreciation for the life of S to be transformed. In a minutes time, I thought we had lost all time with her. I never want to feel that again. We have always called her our baby angel, but there is no doubt now that she is our blessing.
2 Comments
Frances Delgado
8/8/2020 12:21:19 pm
I am so glad S is okay. I feel like I know her. From all the stories from your mom.
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Dee
8/8/2020 12:45:58 pm
Thank you, you don’t know what it means to us. The power of your prayer helper our baby girl. You will have to meet her soon. ❤️
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