First off, I am happy to be back on the blog! The last 6 weeks have been a little busy, to the say the least! Todays {kind-of lengthy} blog is about our transition as a family of 3 to a family of 4. I will share all of the highs and lows up until now. I hope that someone will be able to relate to our experience or at the very minimum feel a sense a validation. Here is our little 1 month old, cutie! Planning for O: When Justin and I decided in October of 2019 to expand our family I visualized our daughter snuggling up to her brother, helping care for him, and teaching him so much. I knew there would be difficult times, but S has such an adaptable disposition, is well-behaved, and absolutely loves babies. I honestly felt the transition would go smoothly. Fast forward to today, those thoughts are fleeting. I feel a little hopeless and drained, but my heart is simultaneously full. What I didn't know in October of 2019 was that we would be facing a pandemic 4 months later that would change every aspect of our lives. I didn't know that S would lose her playmate, a 4 year old boy that I was watching for a teacher friend for the last 2 years. He was a constant in her life and now he was gone. I didn't know that S would go from solely having mom home to having dad home everyday, as well. Lastly, I didn't know that we would finally decide to sell our home to continue our goal of staying home with our kiddos. Why are those events valid? They changed and set the tone for the arrival of O. While S was so excited for the baby that was in my belly, at 2.5, she truly didn't know the implications of the addition to our family. Those events would alter S and her lifestyle in many ways before O would even make his arrival. She absolutely loves her baby brother, but the transition has been a tad more difficult than I anticipated. Bringing O home: On June 26th we welcomed baby O to our family. He is the perfect addition and is a spitting image of his sister. While his demeanor is completely different than hers, he is also a wonderful baby. The first few days with O went as well as we could have planned. S smothered him with kisses and hugs and wanted to help in every facet she could. The girl is obsessed with the Diaper Genie, she wanted to put ALL the trash in it, haha! Despite wanting me to put her to bed, something she had become accustom to, she willingly followed her bedtime routine with Dada. Things were going well. S' Feelings: About 4 days into being a new family of 4, things took a quick turn. Although S remained loving to her brother, some of her actions became aggressive. She, {seemed} to be purposely doing things to him that we asked her not to do, like running at him full speed to give him a rough kiss. I have encouraged her to show affection by kissing the back of his head, belly, or feet and modeled to her the tenderness both on him and her hand, but she is still working on the pressure and gentleness of her affection. At one point, she threw a toy at him while running through the living room to her room. I know enough about childhood psychology to know that none of these things were malicious in nature nor necessarily intended, but it made things difficult none the less. The addition of a sibling is considered a traumatic event for children, so I expected some difficulty. I feel as parents we can anticipate behaviors to change, but when adding in the factors of lack of sleep, physical recovery, and in our case a pandemic that has caused us to be secluded from the world, you cannot truly grasp the magnitude in which things can change. While I try to make it a point to spend spurts of quality time with S while O is sleeping, it does not seem to be enough. She rarely independently plays anymore. She wants me or dad to do everything with/for her, things she used to do on her own are now the greatest feats for her. At times, it feels like she is rejecting me. I have noticed that when she is doing activities with me that I know she is capable of doing she becomes increasingly aggravated and gives up quickly. She verbally expresses she is frustrated, but refuses to try and throws the items around. This was not the S I knew before O made his arrival... Bedtime has become hell on Earth. She scream for me, kicks and hits her dad who tries to console her, and is taking over an hour to settle to bed. While she eventually calms down with Dada, who had begun bedtime routine with her prior to O's arrival, it has become a grueling process. S used to go to sleep without us being in the room, but now she needs my husband to stay with her in order to fall asleep. Again, this is not the S I knew. My Feelings: I feel it's important to mention my feelings, and those of my husbands, because just as the transition is difficult for children, it is for the parents, as well. First and foremost, leading up to O and especially after bringing O home, I felt an immense amount of guilt. I would be lying if I say I still don't. I feel guilt that S is not receiving the attention she once had from me. While I am not big on partaking in her play, I love offering her activities and going outdoors with her, but between recovering from a difficult second c-section, having a newborn, temperatures being well in the 100's where we live, and quarantining in a pandemic, I cannot be the mother I want to be to both my babies. I feel guilt that S' 2 year old life has drastically changed from month to month, something I obviously cannot control but so desperately wish I could. It has caused me a lot of angst and led to many many tears over the last 4 weeks. (Thanks, hormones). My husband struggles with me crying, so this has led to a lot of anxiety and pain for him because he loves me and doesn't want to see me hurt. Her change in behavior has also made connecting with her difficult. I love S, regardless of this phase, but my patience is thin, I am tired, and I want so badly for our moments together to be sweet and fun, but sometimes they just are not. While I know so much in my head about children and their development, my heart still aches in this situation. I know that much of this behavior is normal and expected, but it does not make the process any easier. I am just holding on, waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel, because I know it WILL come to an end. Sooner than later would be better though! 😭 The Positives: Despite the difficult transition, there are obviously many positives. First and foremost, we have sweet O. He is a good baby, definitely a mommas boy that wants all the cuddles. He has a sister who loves him dearly and it shows. Whenever she leaves and comes back, he is the first one she goes to for a kiss. It is so heart-warming and makes those tough moments oh-so worth it. Secondly, we are healthy. In the midst of a surge in COVID-19 cases where we live, we find ourselves well in every sense of the word. I am thankful that we have food on the table, a roof over our head, and my husband still has a job to provide for our family. Thirdly, but definitely not lastly, I have a husband and family who are nothing but loving and supportive throughout all of this process. I know that with them by my side we will get through this phase. My heart is overflowing. I would love to know how your children dealt with the addition of a new sibling! What did you do to help them cope? How long did it last... or will it end? Haha. Share in the comments below!
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